Operation: Sharkfist/Mission: Ignition or How I learned to stop worrying about your feelings and love myself A.K.A My Master Plan

Fuck being succinct with titles! I am a convoluted person. I have a convoluted plan. It gets a convoluted title.

Can we start over? I’ve been gone so long, it’s like I’m new at this. I think this is as real as I’m ever going to get.

Hi! I’m The Jaded Gamer! The luckiest moron in the Universe. I’ve mostly been known for the various podcasts that I’ve done and the shenanigans I get up to along the way. I’m only down for a ridiculously silly random fun time and that’s all. . . Oh… and maybe play some co-op games together? (IamFN2K on PSN and XBL btw) but that’s it.

Audio broadcasting has always been fun for me and I definitely want to keep doing it. So I’m going to… but if you’ll indulge me… I want to tell you how I got here. If you’re new to the world of Jaded Gamer, feel free to skip paragraphs at your leisure…. if you’re one of my Savages, you’re going to want to try to absorb most of this.

I’ve never criticized the work of my friends. Even if I thought their product was garbage and boring, I never promoted it like it was. I would still call in or make guest appearances or do whatever to support my friends efforts because when it comes to entertainment, I always believe you encourage your peers. Even if that peer is a chickenshit who sits in booths at a comedy clubs because they don’t want the talent to make fun of them. Even if that peer can only talk trash on the internet and will duck you IRL so they never have to say it to your face. Even if that peer would invite me to co-op, go invisible and laugh at me with all the people I wish I could game with. . . I always encouraged them. Because that’s what you’re supposed to do.

If you want to break a man… that’s how you do it. Everybody always wonders why people snap. Taking deep breaths, ignoring those actions, exhaling and encouraging them to succeed kept me as sane. Kept me from snapping. I’m quick tempered but I am really good at apologizing swiftly. I’m kind of a fuck up sometimes and I’ve done my fair share of apologizing.

But I reached a real low point. I thought I had friends on this here internet and even though it’s obvious key friends are putting distance between me and them… I can’t flinch. I’m seen as unflappable. Unshakable. When it was obvious they just weren’t talking to me. I cried. Ok. It was one specific person who broke me. I just wanted to ask that one specific person, teary eyed “What did I do to you?” They were my favorite person. I don’t genuinely like many people. If I could lose all my online allies to keep that one, I would make the trade. I was just so sad.

Kicked from every crew, ridiculed by people I thought were friends, ignored, shunned, my podcasts folding, I just felt like a fail. I wasn’t though. I just wasn’t looking at all the downloads my podcasts were getting because I… I don’t know.

Anyways… I decided to forget about internet life for a while and focus on my real life. I needed to be a better boyfriend for my girl. That was number one. Next I had to get back into gaming. And now… get back to doing what was fun…

One Mic/Two Shows

Backlog Infinite is dead. Long live Backlog infinite. I think Wesker J is over podcasting. So, it’s safe to say that ship has sailed. I don’t hate that guy. He’s cool. He tolerated me and I appreciate his time.

Enter “Best. Game. Ev-er!” This is a similar idea. The approach will be much more scripted and possibly rehearsed. I’m going to use the first few episodes to get used to a format that works. This is the first time I’ve tried to do something that takes more effort than simply recording audio. Every episode aims to be an audio companion to play along side the game or a way to remember some of the biggest games without having to run through them again. I don’t know how long each episode will be or even if one game = one episode. This first game is sort of a test… and that game is…… drum roll! ….. Badadadadadada.. How do you indicate a drum roll in text? … anyways…. Tomb Raider 2013.. but it’s The Definitive Edition so the one from 2014. I’ll be releasing the first episode of Best Game Ever closer to Christmas or New Year’s Day. Yes I know that’s kinda far off… That’s why

Cult of Subtlety

Also a podcast. This one will be dropping sooner than later. I’m personally hoping to start pumping these out next week. But what is it? If you liked Rated J, stick around for that because THAT’S the place where I’ll be speaking my mind about … things… but at least for the initial episode there are people I need to thank and stories I need to tell.

The Cult of Subtlety is what I call my guilds whenever I’m allowed to create one in a game. Most of the time I lock the guild so it’s a cult of one. . Which makes it a very subtle cult, no other cult is as subtle as mine, therefore my cult is The Cult of Subtlety. And I’m opening the doors! So come listen to me do my best to hold your attention. Unlike Rated J, I will definitely talk about games every episode at some point. There will be monthly giveaways as soon as the listeners reach a decent amount. The prizes are also going to be legit. I wouldn’t gift you garbage I found at the Dollarama. That’s lame. I’m not going to lie to you. I’m lazy so I’m mostly going to gift stuff via Xbox Live and Humble Bundles because that’s so easy to do and really doesn’t involve you having to give me any sensitive information. (Let’s face it, I’m kind of a stranger to you) My listeners tend to be introverts as well so if you want anonymity AND prizes check out The Cult of Subtlety… coming soon!

Obviously these two shows are fine but I have domains to update. Thejadedgamer.ca will focus more on Playful Jaded Gamer related things as well as functioning as a personal blog. It will be another public link from me to you, not unlike the Facebook Pages.

Yourmommasbasement.com is Business Jaded. Although I don’t plan on “toning it down” for YMB I will make more of an attempt to not be so aggressively obnoxious around that site but I’m here to entertain. People know I’m just Forrest Gumping it through history… minus the AIDS baby… The point being that i’m a lovable idiot that’s kinda always around doing something accidentally significant.

Plus…. There just might be some synergy happening between me and another entity. I don’t want to spoil or get ahead of myself but when the ink dries… you’ll know.

Words cannot express the gratitude I owe some of you for following me this long. I see you. I probably know your name. You get VIP treatment in the Cult… GUILD!.. It’s a guild.

Back to work on what will be Best game ev-er.

Stay Jaded

J

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BLOG: Cheat codes & Heartbreak: I am not the guy.

I need to do more with TheJadedGamer.ca …Maybe a blog to give you some insight on what makes me tick?

I feel awful.

So…. you probably know me from Rated J…. Or maybe you know me from YouTube? Doubtful.  Rated J is probably where I’m drawing the focus from… right?

Rated J is tough.  I spent a year finding my footing and had a few missteps along the way… I expected that. I don’t exactly know what I’m doing with Rated J… I just go with the flow.  Now…. I have a better idea of what I’m doing.  Rated J is more or less theater for your mind.

I don’t know where to begin. I don’t know where any of this begins. Does it begin last weekend when I realized life can be even better than it already is? Does it start when I made a promise to myself that I would never be wrapped around another woman’s finger, helpless, again? Does it begin with a rocky break-up?  Does it begin with a mother that raised me to be her idea of a gentleman?  I don’t even know… What I do know is… I don’t feel good.

The Jaded Gamer…. Since 2008-ish I’ve just been some schmuck running his mouth about video games. Then in 2015 I took whatever listeners I had and I started talking about myself and things other than video games.  It wasn’t supposed to be me alone.  I completely Zuckerberg-ed (Right-Click, Save As) the whole idea. I knew a podcast talking about myself… outside the realm of video games…. could have legs.   Most of the questions or comments I get as “The Jaded Gamer” are actually quite personal.

I knew Rated J could work.  My life is anything but boring.  I’ve beat around the bush enough.  I had a bad morning.  OK…. Not bad…. I am sad.   The events of this morning made me feel sad.

Listeners of Rated J know I talked about a woman named “Rhonda” … Not her real name…
(Aside: I change real names regularly so I can talk about my life and keep real people anonymous.) and how things didn’t work out between us.  I ended the story by explaining how I squashed beef between myself and another interested man by confronting him and telling him how to get on her good side.

Long story short… I let Rhonda go. She doesn’t make me feel how I want to feel. She doesn’t make me feel like I can move mountains. . . and I CAN move mountains, friend. I never… felt like she was pleased. But at the same time, I never felt like I could do anything to please her and I feel like I’m capable of amazing things.  I let her go.  I even set it up to get her out of my life.

Today… she came back…. she said everything I needed to hear… a month ago.

She did everything she needed to do … a month ago.

I am quite different than I was a month ago.

We met at a coffee shop.

“You look good.” she said sliding into the booth.
“You always do.” I said with a half smirk barely making eye contact.
“Thanks.” she took a sip of her medium double-double shying away. “How was your trip?”

I bristle. “I…” I’m not The Jaded Gamer all the time, guys. “It was good. I had fun.”
“Cool.” She said reading between lines that weren’t there.  I could tell. “So…” she started.

“I…” I inadvertently interrupted. “Sorry. You go.”

“I hate the way things ended between us.” She tried to catch my eyes.  I wouldn’t let her.  I kept looking down at my coffee…. like a wimp.

“You shouldn’t.  You were right. You deserve more. I get that now.” (I really…. really do.) “I can’t blame you for walking away. It’s OK.”

I was hoping this was just a small conversation.  I was hoping that at this point all she wanted to do was make sure I didn’t hate her.  I don’t hate her at all.  I am really just over her. She can do better.  I … can do better.  But she had a different revelation than I did. Let me fast forward in the conversation.

“He’s (Brendan/Branden) never going to change. Every time I see him, he always smells fresh. You know?  Everything is always simple to him.  His life is so simple.  It is boring.  You’re anything but boring.”

“So?” I scrunched my face. “I thought stability…”

“You smell like sweat…” (Don’t you dare…) “Your hands are dirty from working hard.” (Stop it…)  “You don’t just expect life to reward you…” (Just… stop…. Rhonda)

PAUSE

I’m chopping and screwing the conversation because these are memory fragments but her point is pretty much…. “Maybe the pretty-boy who has it all figured out, really doesn’t and I never gave you a fair chance because you never knew I was all in.”

Where did she get the idea that she could even think I was still interested in her?

Rated J….  “Maybe I liked a Rhonda.”  Five words.  Out of the hundreds… thousands I’ve said during and since that episode…. all she heard was… “Maybe I liked a Rhonda.”  That was all she needed. She ignored the part where I said … “But it was worth it…”

AND IT WAS…. IT CONTINUES TO BE…

Rhonda is not my Queen. (Don’t conflate the terms “My Queen” & “Interim Queen” from Rated J.  I know it is confusing but English only has so many words) Today… I had to sit down and tell her why.

“You don’t make me feel like a king. At all. Ever. As much as I wanted you… you never wanted me.  There was always a bigger better deal for you out there.  There still is. You knew that if I didn’t work out there was a Brendan/Brandon or a Markus or a Skylar or a Silas or a Brett.”

Why does standing up for myself… feel terrible?  She’s only here now because… I did let her go.  SHE lets people go.  SHE… breaks up with guys.  SHE broke it off with me and not only did I let it end, I helped the guy she actually likes, make good with her.  AM I A FICTIONAL MOTHER FUCKER WITH A HEART OF GOLD OR WHAT?

I wanted that to be it. Not at first. But in the coming weeks… months…. my outlook on life would shift.  There is a better life out there for me with the treatment I not only want but feel I deserve from a partner/companion/lover etc.  Things I just did not get from her.

I broke her heart. She cried a little.  I avoided eye contact like a chickenshit because my instinct is to give in and wrap my arms around her.  I wanted to make her feel good.  I wanted to say to her that “I’m going to take this pain away and be there for you so you’ll never feel it again.  You’ll be my everything from this day forward and we’ll build a life together.”

But that’s not what I said.  I said more or less…

“I care about you. But I deleted your number from my phone so I’d never do what you’re doing now.  You’re wondering if I’m the one that got away the same way I wondered if you were.  ‘Rhonda’….  I’m not the guy.  I’m just … I’m just not the guy.”

I held her hand for a minute. I cupped it…. took a deep breath… stood up… and walked out.

And now there is a bunch of booze staring at me.  Excuse me.
The Jaded Gamer.

Rated J – The Podcast

I do a podcast now. Just me and a mic ranting.

Rated J: The Podcast

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It was a triple episode launch and considering THIS post is the first time I’m telling the outside world about it – it has gone pretty well and most people get the schtick so, I think it’s ready for prime time.

Listen. Downloads below.

1. Say Hello To The Bad Guy (Download)
Jaded reintroduces himself and explains why real friends still talk on the phone, his confusion over GaymerX and his love of a certain Generic shooter.

2. Another Quaalude, She gonna love me again (Download)
The Jaded Gamer talks about Susan B. Anthony, Joan of Arc and Malala…. among other things involving women.

3. My word and my balls. (Download)
Jaded discusses his aforementioned date as well takes questions from social media.

Jaded

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