I Finally am the guy… (Sorta out of character)

I don’t know where to start so this might be a Tarantino movie by the time I’m done writing.

Yes. I took a step away from The Jaded Gamer for a long time.  There are a few reasons for this.

1. I’m going to be a husband, a father

Not any time soon but this is the trajectory of my life. I’m in a relationship that I’m FINALLY comfortable being in.  I can say anything I want in front of my girlfriend and she doesn’t judge me.  She listens and does her best to try to understand my point of view even if her gut instinct is to say I’m wrong or even lying.  She doesn’t interfere with me trying to be the man I want to be.  She doesn’t shy away from my intensity.  I’ve always been better with a woman at my side (or cussing the fuck outta one, amirite fellas?!?!?!?!) <—— Inside joke. If you’re mad, you don’t get it or are even aware of how I jumped into the solo podcast game.

So I stepped away from everything “The Jaded Gamer” for a while… a long while… to foster this relationship BECAUSE:

2. The internet SUCKS!

I’ve talked to many people about “oversharing” on the internet.  Look… it’s your profile… post what you want.  My point is that I shouldn’t know how to rob your house or kidnap your kids based on your profiles.  Somebody I know actually had their house robbed while they were on vacation because of oversharing. It breaks my heart.

Your social media should just be used to share… stuff… NOT act like a celebrity or a highly decorated individual.  You’re not.  I’m not. Most people are not.  You’re just an average person with an opinion. Act like it. We’re all in the shit together.  We’re all the ones eating shit sandwiches and we’re arguing with each other. It’s stupid.  Time and time again I’m seeing walls of texts from passionate people who haven’t gotten very far in life. Come on! Make your life better before you even decide to take a stab at fixing society.  I’ve been called a ton of names by people that can’t spell (Dooshbage).  Watching people on all sides call for violence and then say “But they started it” when they get punched in the face.  We are dumber now than ever before and we have the audacity to tell intellectuals that we know better because we “feel” the truth.

That was basically my existence on the internet before my hiatus.  Arguing with the marginalized because they “felt” like things were getting worse.  Then more insults came. Black culture pushed me because I had concerns about BLM.  Then I said… “Fuck it! Go on with your fight. Good luck.” And I stepped aside.  Then pronouns came up and before I could comprehend what the issue was, the government told me what to say and think on the matter.  NOPE! Suddenly I’m transphobic. No. You idiot. My issue is with compelled speech… forced speech… upheld by law. It could be anybody or anything, black, white, gay, straight, short, tall, ugly, pretty, fat, skinny YADDA YADDA YADDA… I have dominion over my words. You can step in with censorship.  That has been established.  Telling me what I MUST say is not censorship and the only reason why anybody is co-signing on this is because
a) Their government is in charge
b) This benefits them
c) They virtue signal.
d) They believe forcing people to change wont breed maximum resentment.

I do not subscribe to any of that.  So as long as the Vicious Left or the Alt-Right want to breed contempt, I am more than up to the challenge to bite back.  If you want to sit down and have an open and honest discussion… I’m always up for that.  But if the only way you can get what you want is by force and legislation…. I may oppose you.  I don’t care how many tantrums you throw.  I dunno how else to explain it. If I had to hire somebody and the most qualified person was transgendered.. they get the job.  If I meet a feminine person but in a plot twist I find out they were previously male.. OH double plot twist.. already been there and like many relationships, we just weren’t compatible.

Been called Homophobic…. HAHAHAHAHHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHH *Inhales* AHAHAHAHAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*inhales*HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*inhales*HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I think all y’all are heterophobic.   You think I can’t hear the jokes gay and trans people make about people who aren’t gay and trans? I’m going to say this now because I’m not using it as proof I’m not trans/homophobic.  I have gay and trans friends. They make jokes at my expense.  If it weren’t for straight people having sex there’d be less gay and trans people around so back up off of me when I make a joke that stings.  It’s supposed to.  A large amount of jokes are at somebody or something else’s expense.  I make jokes.  I make jokes about myself. I make jokes about you. I make jokes about EVERYTHING!  Here’s the thing… I don’t think there is a line BUT I have apologized in the past for crossing whatever imaginary line YOU think is there.  I don’t care if I hurt your feelings but I’m not TRYING to and I’m not throwing a party if I do.  It is never my goal.

But if you think there is nothing funny about you or your situation… you’re crazy or lack perspective.  I lost my job, my girlfriend and the roof over my head within a week and I laughed my fuckin ass off.  “My life is a GOD DAMN GREEK TRAGEDY!” and I laughed.

Speaking of jokes…

3. My online friends can’t take jokes.

I culled a bunch of my friends lists a while ago.  If you were cut. Leave me alone.  I’d love to tell you it wasn’t personal but it was.  On the lowest level… you give me anxiety… on the highest level I think you’re a piece of shit hypocrite that can go fuck themself.

My friends in real life get me, know me….  My online friends tolerate me when I’m on fire and ignore me when I let the light on my star power dim.  Or…. is it when their own star power gets brighter?  I can never tell.  Regardless, there is a point where all of a sudden (in their minds) I’m not making jokes, I’m making statements.  All of a sudden I was being malicious when I had the exact same tone and timing as I always have.

If I can’t bust your chops… We cannot be friends.

What I said above is not a universal thing.  If you are still on my friends list or I’m following you… whatever.. we’re fine.  It’s the sacks of baby dicks that will talk shit in their safe spaces but when I say the same “jokes” they make about me behind my back but to THEIR FACE that apparently makes ME the asshole.  So I should be shady bag of puss-puss saying jokes in an echo chamber while my other vacuum sealed friends or co-hosts suck me off?!

I’m sorry for all the vulgarity and swearing… but I hate…. I hate… I… HATE.. PETER PAN…I mean people who can’t take a joke.  It is compounded by the fact that I tend to hang around shit talkers.  However, when one of them can dish it out but not take it…. USUALLY… I go SCORCHED EARTH.  So the fact that I’ve went silent on these XXXL size bag-o-dicks is a blessing and the last favor I will grant.

Upgraded Jaded

I’m still here.  But it is just me.

No more groups.  No more guest spots. No more shout outs for the sake of shout outs.  I shout you out and not feel it back. Game over.  I’m as loyal as a puppy and will go to bat for my friends any way I can.  I’m not a machine. I feel guilt and remorse.  I had a friend who was raising money for a relative’s medical bills and I couldn’t contribute because I was having serious financial trouble at the time.  There was nothing I could do but it still bugs me like I didn’t do enough.

But I’m goin’ solo from here on out.  I don’t trust anybody but me in this.

That’s not entirely accurate.

I’m starting over. Just me.  No frills. Just me.

I hope some of you are willing to leave your ego next to mine at the door to laugh and grow fat with me.  If you put on some rainbow spectacles and look slightly to the left with me… you may find that the world is actually a really…. really funny place.

See you real soon.

Robbie Snotrocket A.K.A The Jaded Gamer, you bitch.

ALWAYS DOWN FOR CO-OP!

Twitter: @IamFN2K
PSN/Xbox: IamFN2K

PS. Upon reflection… I am aware of regular people weaponizing “jokes” and using “humor” to tear down people, cultures, religion etc…  I am pretty sure those people aren’t naturally funny. They can’t be called comics or comedians.  They thrive off of hate.  All their jokes are about HATE.  That’s very “one-note samba” meaning they are hacks.  You can ignore them or feed the trolls.  It’s always been your choice.

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BLOG: Cheat codes & Heartbreak: I am not the guy.

I need to do more with TheJadedGamer.ca …Maybe a blog to give you some insight on what makes me tick?

I feel awful.

So…. you probably know me from Rated J…. Or maybe you know me from YouTube? Doubtful.  Rated J is probably where I’m drawing the focus from… right?

Rated J is tough.  I spent a year finding my footing and had a few missteps along the way… I expected that. I don’t exactly know what I’m doing with Rated J… I just go with the flow.  Now…. I have a better idea of what I’m doing.  Rated J is more or less theater for your mind.

I don’t know where to begin. I don’t know where any of this begins. Does it begin last weekend when I realized life can be even better than it already is? Does it start when I made a promise to myself that I would never be wrapped around another woman’s finger, helpless, again? Does it begin with a rocky break-up?  Does it begin with a mother that raised me to be her idea of a gentleman?  I don’t even know… What I do know is… I don’t feel good.

The Jaded Gamer…. Since 2008-ish I’ve just been some schmuck running his mouth about video games. Then in 2015 I took whatever listeners I had and I started talking about myself and things other than video games.  It wasn’t supposed to be me alone.  I completely Zuckerberg-ed (Right-Click, Save As) the whole idea. I knew a podcast talking about myself… outside the realm of video games…. could have legs.   Most of the questions or comments I get as “The Jaded Gamer” are actually quite personal.

I knew Rated J could work.  My life is anything but boring.  I’ve beat around the bush enough.  I had a bad morning.  OK…. Not bad…. I am sad.   The events of this morning made me feel sad.

Listeners of Rated J know I talked about a woman named “Rhonda” … Not her real name…
(Aside: I change real names regularly so I can talk about my life and keep real people anonymous.) and how things didn’t work out between us.  I ended the story by explaining how I squashed beef between myself and another interested man by confronting him and telling him how to get on her good side.

Long story short… I let Rhonda go. She doesn’t make me feel how I want to feel. She doesn’t make me feel like I can move mountains. . . and I CAN move mountains, friend. I never… felt like she was pleased. But at the same time, I never felt like I could do anything to please her and I feel like I’m capable of amazing things.  I let her go.  I even set it up to get her out of my life.

Today… she came back…. she said everything I needed to hear… a month ago.

She did everything she needed to do … a month ago.

I am quite different than I was a month ago.

We met at a coffee shop.

“You look good.” she said sliding into the booth.
“You always do.” I said with a half smirk barely making eye contact.
“Thanks.” she took a sip of her medium double-double shying away. “How was your trip?”

I bristle. “I…” I’m not The Jaded Gamer all the time, guys. “It was good. I had fun.”
“Cool.” She said reading between lines that weren’t there.  I could tell. “So…” she started.

“I…” I inadvertently interrupted. “Sorry. You go.”

“I hate the way things ended between us.” She tried to catch my eyes.  I wouldn’t let her.  I kept looking down at my coffee…. like a wimp.

“You shouldn’t.  You were right. You deserve more. I get that now.” (I really…. really do.) “I can’t blame you for walking away. It’s OK.”

I was hoping this was just a small conversation.  I was hoping that at this point all she wanted to do was make sure I didn’t hate her.  I don’t hate her at all.  I am really just over her. She can do better.  I … can do better.  But she had a different revelation than I did. Let me fast forward in the conversation.

“He’s (Brendan/Branden) never going to change. Every time I see him, he always smells fresh. You know?  Everything is always simple to him.  His life is so simple.  It is boring.  You’re anything but boring.”

“So?” I scrunched my face. “I thought stability…”

“You smell like sweat…” (Don’t you dare…) “Your hands are dirty from working hard.” (Stop it…)  “You don’t just expect life to reward you…” (Just… stop…. Rhonda)

PAUSE

I’m chopping and screwing the conversation because these are memory fragments but her point is pretty much…. “Maybe the pretty-boy who has it all figured out, really doesn’t and I never gave you a fair chance because you never knew I was all in.”

Where did she get the idea that she could even think I was still interested in her?

Rated J….  “Maybe I liked a Rhonda.”  Five words.  Out of the hundreds… thousands I’ve said during and since that episode…. all she heard was… “Maybe I liked a Rhonda.”  That was all she needed. She ignored the part where I said … “But it was worth it…”

AND IT WAS…. IT CONTINUES TO BE…

Rhonda is not my Queen. (Don’t conflate the terms “My Queen” & “Interim Queen” from Rated J.  I know it is confusing but English only has so many words) Today… I had to sit down and tell her why.

“You don’t make me feel like a king. At all. Ever. As much as I wanted you… you never wanted me.  There was always a bigger better deal for you out there.  There still is. You knew that if I didn’t work out there was a Brendan/Brandon or a Markus or a Skylar or a Silas or a Brett.”

Why does standing up for myself… feel terrible?  She’s only here now because… I did let her go.  SHE lets people go.  SHE… breaks up with guys.  SHE broke it off with me and not only did I let it end, I helped the guy she actually likes, make good with her.  AM I A FICTIONAL MOTHER FUCKER WITH A HEART OF GOLD OR WHAT?

I wanted that to be it. Not at first. But in the coming weeks… months…. my outlook on life would shift.  There is a better life out there for me with the treatment I not only want but feel I deserve from a partner/companion/lover etc.  Things I just did not get from her.

I broke her heart. She cried a little.  I avoided eye contact like a chickenshit because my instinct is to give in and wrap my arms around her.  I wanted to make her feel good.  I wanted to say to her that “I’m going to take this pain away and be there for you so you’ll never feel it again.  You’ll be my everything from this day forward and we’ll build a life together.”

But that’s not what I said.  I said more or less…

“I care about you. But I deleted your number from my phone so I’d never do what you’re doing now.  You’re wondering if I’m the one that got away the same way I wondered if you were.  ‘Rhonda’….  I’m not the guy.  I’m just … I’m just not the guy.”

I held her hand for a minute. I cupped it…. took a deep breath… stood up… and walked out.

And now there is a bunch of booze staring at me.  Excuse me.
The Jaded Gamer.

BLOG: Jaded needs a girlfriend… But I’d take advantage of touching her boobs.

The Jaded Gamer Show almost got me in trouble.  I’ll spare you the tale why but it was an excellent execution of petty revenge and nothing more.  However… in the absolutely brilliantly crafted revenge, I had realized something.

Jaded needs a female counterpart.  This isn’t up for debate as I am the dude behind the character and that is the essential quality I am lacking to kickstart this shit into overdrive.  If you listen to Backlog Infinite there really is no sexual tension to be had between myself and Novah so when we interact you get straight talking heads without the “I want to bang you” innuendo. Which, are interactions more people need to highlight because it is normal to talk to a woman and not tell her you’d bang her if you could. Which is why, I never want Novah to leave the show. Her mind is amazing to me and her perspective is what I love when having discussions with her.

Jaded needs a woman near him, next to him, around him or in chat with him where the two of them absolutely adore each other but have a tendency to go in on each other whenever they disagree. . . It would make for great viewing.  When they are united (Jaded and ?????) nothing stands in their way… when they are divided #TeamJaded #TeamVita (That’s what I call her in my mind LoL) will start trending on social media.

Above all else, gamers lose their shit in one way or another when it comes to an attractive trash talkin’ female. She’d already be loved/hated on her own but with Jaded as a qualifier I bet she’s more apt to get love than an outpour of hate.  Then when she cuts Jaded to shreds over whatever… the whole vibe will be a lot different.   I love the ladies in gaming but it feels like every time one talks to us it’s a gorgeous energetic upbeat lady in a tank top with some punk graffiti doodle on it never addressing the elephant in the room.  Jaded’s chick would tell you to stop looking at her boobs. “Eyes up here, kid.” Jaded’s chick would remind you what behavior will not get you laid. etc. etc.  She’s not on a payroll so she doesn’t have to smile and read cue cards.

I want to bring *THAT* to Game Nation.  Unity.  Not a King off praising #GamerGate and the Queen trying to tear it down.  There needs to be a unified front represented somewhere.  Eventually, I hope that is where this Jaded Gamer venture will point me.

The worst situation would be if I (The real life Non-Jaded person) met a lady who was not co-host material but was wife material and then later meet Co-host material and have to spend a lot of time with Vita (Yeah, I like that name as a placeholder) so wife gets jealous, me and Vita hook up …. so I’m cutting divorce and alimony out of the equation and just getting to Vita right away. Having Vita would eliminate a lot of the issues I have with gaming right now.

  • I’d have a co-op partner on stand-by
  • I could fill in a group for Destiny or GTA V on the fly
  • She could fill a spot on a podcast
  • She could co-host a show with me.

By adding Vita to the mix, I can split workloads and just generally accomplish more than I could on my own.  If I could just sorta.. pass the baton to somebody while I go off and make money.. come back and the machine is still moving… that would be better than coming home exhausted and figuring out how to start this thing back up every day.

So yeah, as I work on that, stay tuned in because my body has adapted the way it gets sleep to my new work schedule and I am ready to get a lot of work done… even if it is by myself.

Kudos.
The Jaded Gamer AKA DJ Shuvinstuff

Get Ready…

The weekend is almost upon us and that is when YMB will start morphing.  Want to see something?

n3j3ndcje

That is a page out of Last Life.  Last Life is the last Grand Theft Option/Game of Shame comic I’m going to make. Unlike the other comics in the series, this one is driven by the character and not just the shenanigans.

Psst.  Between you and me, once Backlog Infinite is back up and rolling (New episodes this weekend) Rated J will also be…. A PODCAST! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Shhhh.  Don’t tell anybody.  I’m really nervous and really shy. People like the group thing but I get quite a few questions every so often and Rated J… the YouTube series only gives me about 3 minutes on any given subject.  Rated J: The Podcast – will give me more time to go off on tangents. I’m aiming for 20-30 minutes.

YMB will have more more more of everything very soon. I had to figure out sleeping patterns for working these rotating shifts. Also, I had to learn a new position which still stresses me out but not nearly as much. I’m able to get back to writing jokes, more jokes, better than easy to write masturbation jokes in comics (Heh-heh).

And OH MY GOD, I can write a review for Dying Light.  That game is too damn long. You cap out around 30 hours and the game just… goes on. I burned myself out, so this weekend there will be marathons of content production…

DON’T BELIEVE ME? JUST WATCH!

The Jaded Gamer
Twitter: @IamFN2K
Email: IamFN2K@gmail.com

Almost back on my feet

I’ve been a little inconsistent over at YMB recently but that all comes to an end very soon.  Soon, there will be a great deal of coverage on some things.  Ideas are being tossed around.  Comics will begin to be standardized.  Soon, YMB is going to have to change the layout to something that can support more writers.  It is going to be interesting.

I’ve figured out what this page will be.  YMB is the job, this is the personal blog.  When I get the juiciest of juicy exclusives, they will show up here and YMB will report on them.  When I come up with the wildest and dumbest theories that YMB does not want to claim endorsement over, they will be here.

Trying to finish polishing some podcasts.  I’m working on a comic.  There will be more Rated J.  I’m even tossing around a non-gaming related video series to give YMB a little depth.  But that is Spring 2015.  YMB is going to be going 2.0 very soon.

I can’t confirm or deny anything but I can tell you this, I want to give away games… every month because why not?  I just need to figure out how to make that a reality.

The vision of YMB is to be a different type of news. You can find more current, up-to-date news anywhere.  We over at YMB need to try and think differently about the same topics other people constantly talk about because, why bother adding to the conversation otherwise?

So as I figure out what I’m doing with this page (because like it or not, you’re stuck with me for another 2 years now.) just know… it is most definitely supposed to be a “Jaded Gamer in Real Life” scenario.

Cheers.

@IamFN2K

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