The Preemptive Apology

I realize I have some explaining to do.  I’ll be at your door with the wine and roses later… Right now I’m calling for a DO OVER! FROM THE TOP, PEOPLE!

I was super depressed in 2017.  I couldn’t really figure out why until the end of the year.  Behind the scenes, in real life, I am doing okay.  I’ve more or less been doing fine the past two years.

But the lack of my online presence is due to me not connecting with many people outside of real life interactions. I have a much different attitude towards life than most people.  My philosophy is always “Laugh and grow fat.”  Nobody wants to laugh anymore.

Led Zeppelin – DOES ANYBODY REMEMBER LAUGHTER?!?!

It seems like strangers laugh at something I say more often than my friends, if anybody laughs at all that is.

So.. I started the great DELETION!… (I hoped somebody read that like Matt Hardy)

One by one… I started clearing out social media Friends Lists. It took months for it to actually play out. So SPOILER ALERT if you’re still on any list I have, you’re safe. Otherwise, good fuckin’ riddance.

Apologizing individually would take too much time so I’ve decided to just do a mass apology and one can just pick and choose the apology they feel they are owed and we can move on.

Drifters: To the people who were once kinda close but just drifted away, I really wish I knew what I did exactly that turned you off. I don’t know why I have to pester you to collab on podcast or co-op in a game only to be ignored.  I’m really just sorry that I spent all that time trying to get to know you, pouring my heart out to you, even meeting you only to be ignored seemingly out of nowhere.  I’m even more sorry for whatever random stupid thing I did that pushed you away.

Liberals: You’re telling me to keep an open mind while telling me what to think.  You’re celebrating phrases like “Peace shall overcome” while setting fire to campuses and celebrating punching people in the face.  I don’t want to be a part of that or be made a villain because I don’t want to accept violence as part of my life. I know that beliefs can change and minds can be persuaded without this sort of flair for casual violence that supports “our cause”

Conservatives: It’s weird because most of my Conservative friends are pretty cool. That being said, I’ve pissed a few off by my Pro-choice, LGBTQ rights and various other left leaning topics like weed and censorship. WHO KNEW it was enough for them to just block me. After years! This was the boiling point. I don’t even know what to apologize for really.  You and your guns are fine, keep your Religion because I’m not trying to take it away from you any more than I want it imposed on me. I feel as if on every angle on any issue, I’ve been more than fair. However, during the Obama years I saw a different side of you that the current Trump administration is confirming. So… to that small chunk of people… I’m sorry that you are on the wrong side of tolerance on this.

LGBTQ: You’re not immune from jokes. I just want to make sure you know you can totally make jokes at my expense. Gay comedians do it all the time. I’m sorry if your homosexually reduces your sense of humor but I have to go with my gut that you are a minority of a minority and that most people in that community can take a joke as well as make them… and here’s another thing… ignore them.  I’m not running a country over here.

The Black Community: This one is fun. I inherited the apparent burden of being one yet for some fluke I managed to claw myself to a better way of life.  I’ve always considered myself to be lucky. But really… I’m not all that lucky.  All I did was put in enough work needed to hit that extra step.  I’m not a doctor or anything too significant but I took myself out of a very bad neighborhood and into a much safer one to give myself and the next generation of me a chance. I did it. I got out. Then what happened? “You forgot where you came from.” That is the point. Where I came from still hasn’t gotten any better and I can’t make a sizable impact from where I am at yet. Going back would only endanger me.  That’s reasonable. Next. “You’re light skin so you don’t get it.” That’s how good we have it now.  We can start oppressing each other.  By the way, since my skin tone is an issue within the community, my family is half white so… what’s the deal with this intolerance towards white people.  You can’t just look for my support when you need the numbers.  I’m sorry we cannot see eye to eye on these things.  I promise you though, I’m going to try to unite every community, I’m just sorry that I’m not black enough for you… whatever that means.

The White Community: See Conservative Apology Above

Gamers: You might just give me anxiety. You might have just been idle. I dunno. There are those that are on borrowed time… Muhaaaahahhahahahah.  No, but seriously.

Feminists: This revolves around jokes. So… like… the only way you survived the Friends List Reaping is because even if you hate the fact that I’ll make jokes.. you know I’m not trying to hurt anybody’s feelings and I’ll back up if I go too far.. yadda yadda yadda.  I never WANT to offend you yet I’m being treated like I do. So… This is where I bid you a fond farewell and I hope one day you’ll take a joke.  In this day and age where there is a lot of frustration and angst because of the exposure on all these assaults, I don’t want to be interacting with such volatile people. I’m always willing to support a woman if our ideas on things align. I’m sorry I have said things you have felt were out of line but neither you or I need any more stress in the fight against whatever machines we’re raging against.

I think this covers it.

*Cracks neck*

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKAY.. Who remembers gaming online in the late 90s and early 2000s? You didn’t just have friends, you had a tiny community. There was very little social/political friction. Nobody really cared, everybody just wanted to play video games together.  Though the idea of that already exists and is nothing new, most communities eventually come down to “attitude” or “identity”.

I want to rally and be a part of a community that isn’t too concerned with identity and more concerned with the attitude of “I just wanna play some games.” A place where games take the primary focus and people can gather together and have fun without all the static.  Even if you encounter online assholes, it would help if you had a few friends to back you up or just leave together and find another place to play as a group with your dignity intact.  If more of us band together and refuse to engage in any of this hatred then maybe the perception of Gamers can change.

So feel free to join the Your Momma’s Basement community on Playstation 4 (Xbox One focus to follow possibly) and sooner or later with enough people intermingling, I as well as others will make a few new friends and we will find games to play together.  I am purely Co-op. I’ll start posting up in Community Chat whenever I’m playing online. The Division and Wildlands could be my focus for a bit.

All in all… it has been a fun ride but I really just gotta be free to be me from here on out.  I hope I don’t offend people, though it is inevitable that I will, I also don’t believe every offense merit’s an apology.  I will always apologize if I feel necessary but I refuse to apologize for something like a joke without malice.

Good Night and Good Luck

J

PSN/XBL: IamFN2K
IamFN2K@gmail.com
Twitter: @IamFN2K

 

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Justin Bieber beats Hitler in a fistfight – But it was close.

Depending on who you ask, Justin Bieber is either a mischievous heartthrob singer or a vile douchebag no matter what he does.   His voice can pump you up, soothe your soul or reacquaint you with the lunch you had earlier.  Hello, ham sandwich.  But I digress…

Bieber has done a lot recently to clean up his image.  He yearns to go back to the days of innocence and wholesomeness. However, the move has done absolutely nothing to dissuade his haters. He gathered the media in the lobby of his 10.8 Million dollar Los Angeles Mansion to speak on this recently;

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“It really stinks, yanno.  I did my hardest to clean up my image, you know what I’m sayin, I’m reborn. Know what I’m sayin’? Big ups to J-Star who died for our sins.  I ask myself every day ‘What Would J-Unit Do?’ and he told me to do what he did and stand up to evil. I remember when he fought Satan and prevailed…(cont’d)”

*Editor’s note: The fight Justin is referring to was the 10th episode Damien from the critically acclaimed Comedy Central series South Park which aired February 4th, 1998 when Justin was three years old.

“…What is the greatest evil I could fight? Nazis.  Who was the greatest Nazi of all time? A-Bomb Adolf, H-Bomb Hitler and I’m going to personally give him a ticket upstairs to meet J-Dawg in the sky. Bieber out.”

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  “Was this even real?”

Nobody wanted to believe the Biebs.  Everybody thought this was a massive troll.  However, last night, Justin Bieber literally did the impossible.  He fought Adolf Hitler in front of the Aryan Brotherhood and Every White Nationalists in the world via pay per view.

Victory would not come easy for Bieber, however.  Hitler, being a strict vegetarian, had no trouble modifying his diet to shed a few pounds to drop from 160 lbs to a leaner 155.  Bieber on the other hand actually did weigh 150lbs soaking wet and had to intensify his Tim Horton’s diet to bulk up from 145 lbs.

Early on, The Furher of the 3rd Reich landed several jabs and overhand rights that left Justin Bieber badly bruised.  Justin returned some punches of his own but they did not have the desired effect on ol’ H-Bomb.  Midway through the 2nd round Bieber switched strategy and tried to slow Herr Hitler down with quick jabs to the body.

Hitler began to slow down and Justin, as expected, got cocky enough to let Angry Adolf steal a round unanimously.  However, Justin’s friendship with Floyd Mayweather must’ve taught him some composure because the fight began to tip largely in Bieber’s favor.  He began to pile Hitler with uppercuts.

Everybody watched in awe as all the gas drained out of Hitler’s tank.  He was very aggressive in the opening rounds of the fight but after the turning point he was consistently being pushed back by Justin’s own Blitzkrieg offensive.  In a last ditch effort, Hitler let loose a furher of punches.

Justin simply Michael-Jackson-Chimon!-Moonwalked all around them.  It was as if Bieber had finally powered up his special ability and he was now invincible.  With Hitler winded, it was only a matter of time before Bieber put him down for the count.

Bieber was elated.  The crowd was stunned. Surely nobody wanted Hitler to win but did everybody want Bieber to somehow lose?  Slowly the eerie silence turned into a thunderous applause as Justin celebrated his victory.  Hitler needed help standing back up. Unreal.

–The Jaded Gamer, signing out!

@IamFN2K

 

Favorite Cell: Down the rabbit hole

OK, so I’ve begun to roll out the first of my creative vomits…

WHAM!

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If you haven’t read it, check it out. But first, let’s discuss the topic. “My favorite cell.”
Page 5. “Well, that escalated quickly.” Born purely out of necessity.

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I had very little resources to transition into a full blown alien invasion. I feel this nails it and moves the scene past what just happened so fast that the reader just says.. “Seems legit.” and keeps going.

See the problem with doing these silly things is not only assembling screenshots and writing the corresponding dialogue, but giving context to every scene. Then while giving context to every scene I have to move the story forward at a certain pace while making Kim likable. She’s the hero.  I don’t intend on having her giggle and twirl her hair through these stupid adventures.

I came to the conclusion that there are a number of reality stars who could easily be “Batman” and that “bat” didn’t necessarily have to be a “man”. Then I immediately made the decision that the reality star shouldn’t be the butt of “the joke” She’ll bare the brunt some jokes, for sure but the cosmic joke is not on her. She is the hero.

So whether or not there is an issue two or I get slapped with a cease and desist – to be continued…

My next bit of SnapCap Comic business is tentatively titled “Fallout: Degrees.” A title that made more sense when I first thought of it.  It was supposed to be from two different perspectives as the characters interacted with each other “butterfly effect” style between the environments of Fallout 3 and New Vegas.  Making that work is actually beyond any effort I’m willing to put into that project.  It would take too much time. However, the new Vault-tec workshop for Fallout 4 solves a problem I was facing and I can continue the tale… or at least half of it.  Here’s the cover:

FalloutIdea

The vault is key.  But the snag… I ran out of materials when building the “set” so this one might have to go back into the oven because I have other things I need to focus on.

Fallout Degrees is much more serious in tone and I worry about that because comedy is much easier to worth with when using screenshots as a medium.

Anyways, that’s been my time.

@IamFN2K
iamfn2k@gmail.com
PSN/XBL: IamFN2K

BLOG: Cheat codes & Heartbreak: I am not the guy.

I need to do more with TheJadedGamer.ca …Maybe a blog to give you some insight on what makes me tick?

I feel awful.

So…. you probably know me from Rated J…. Or maybe you know me from YouTube? Doubtful.  Rated J is probably where I’m drawing the focus from… right?

Rated J is tough.  I spent a year finding my footing and had a few missteps along the way… I expected that. I don’t exactly know what I’m doing with Rated J… I just go with the flow.  Now…. I have a better idea of what I’m doing.  Rated J is more or less theater for your mind.

I don’t know where to begin. I don’t know where any of this begins. Does it begin last weekend when I realized life can be even better than it already is? Does it start when I made a promise to myself that I would never be wrapped around another woman’s finger, helpless, again? Does it begin with a rocky break-up?  Does it begin with a mother that raised me to be her idea of a gentleman?  I don’t even know… What I do know is… I don’t feel good.

The Jaded Gamer…. Since 2008-ish I’ve just been some schmuck running his mouth about video games. Then in 2015 I took whatever listeners I had and I started talking about myself and things other than video games.  It wasn’t supposed to be me alone.  I completely Zuckerberg-ed (Right-Click, Save As) the whole idea. I knew a podcast talking about myself… outside the realm of video games…. could have legs.   Most of the questions or comments I get as “The Jaded Gamer” are actually quite personal.

I knew Rated J could work.  My life is anything but boring.  I’ve beat around the bush enough.  I had a bad morning.  OK…. Not bad…. I am sad.   The events of this morning made me feel sad.

Listeners of Rated J know I talked about a woman named “Rhonda” … Not her real name…
(Aside: I change real names regularly so I can talk about my life and keep real people anonymous.) and how things didn’t work out between us.  I ended the story by explaining how I squashed beef between myself and another interested man by confronting him and telling him how to get on her good side.

Long story short… I let Rhonda go. She doesn’t make me feel how I want to feel. She doesn’t make me feel like I can move mountains. . . and I CAN move mountains, friend. I never… felt like she was pleased. But at the same time, I never felt like I could do anything to please her and I feel like I’m capable of amazing things.  I let her go.  I even set it up to get her out of my life.

Today… she came back…. she said everything I needed to hear… a month ago.

She did everything she needed to do … a month ago.

I am quite different than I was a month ago.

We met at a coffee shop.

“You look good.” she said sliding into the booth.
“You always do.” I said with a half smirk barely making eye contact.
“Thanks.” she took a sip of her medium double-double shying away. “How was your trip?”

I bristle. “I…” I’m not The Jaded Gamer all the time, guys. “It was good. I had fun.”
“Cool.” She said reading between lines that weren’t there.  I could tell. “So…” she started.

“I…” I inadvertently interrupted. “Sorry. You go.”

“I hate the way things ended between us.” She tried to catch my eyes.  I wouldn’t let her.  I kept looking down at my coffee…. like a wimp.

“You shouldn’t.  You were right. You deserve more. I get that now.” (I really…. really do.) “I can’t blame you for walking away. It’s OK.”

I was hoping this was just a small conversation.  I was hoping that at this point all she wanted to do was make sure I didn’t hate her.  I don’t hate her at all.  I am really just over her. She can do better.  I … can do better.  But she had a different revelation than I did. Let me fast forward in the conversation.

“He’s (Brendan/Branden) never going to change. Every time I see him, he always smells fresh. You know?  Everything is always simple to him.  His life is so simple.  It is boring.  You’re anything but boring.”

“So?” I scrunched my face. “I thought stability…”

“You smell like sweat…” (Don’t you dare…) “Your hands are dirty from working hard.” (Stop it…)  “You don’t just expect life to reward you…” (Just… stop…. Rhonda)

PAUSE

I’m chopping and screwing the conversation because these are memory fragments but her point is pretty much…. “Maybe the pretty-boy who has it all figured out, really doesn’t and I never gave you a fair chance because you never knew I was all in.”

Where did she get the idea that she could even think I was still interested in her?

Rated J….  “Maybe I liked a Rhonda.”  Five words.  Out of the hundreds… thousands I’ve said during and since that episode…. all she heard was… “Maybe I liked a Rhonda.”  That was all she needed. She ignored the part where I said … “But it was worth it…”

AND IT WAS…. IT CONTINUES TO BE…

Rhonda is not my Queen. (Don’t conflate the terms “My Queen” & “Interim Queen” from Rated J.  I know it is confusing but English only has so many words) Today… I had to sit down and tell her why.

“You don’t make me feel like a king. At all. Ever. As much as I wanted you… you never wanted me.  There was always a bigger better deal for you out there.  There still is. You knew that if I didn’t work out there was a Brendan/Brandon or a Markus or a Skylar or a Silas or a Brett.”

Why does standing up for myself… feel terrible?  She’s only here now because… I did let her go.  SHE lets people go.  SHE… breaks up with guys.  SHE broke it off with me and not only did I let it end, I helped the guy she actually likes, make good with her.  AM I A FICTIONAL MOTHER FUCKER WITH A HEART OF GOLD OR WHAT?

I wanted that to be it. Not at first. But in the coming weeks… months…. my outlook on life would shift.  There is a better life out there for me with the treatment I not only want but feel I deserve from a partner/companion/lover etc.  Things I just did not get from her.

I broke her heart. She cried a little.  I avoided eye contact like a chickenshit because my instinct is to give in and wrap my arms around her.  I wanted to make her feel good.  I wanted to say to her that “I’m going to take this pain away and be there for you so you’ll never feel it again.  You’ll be my everything from this day forward and we’ll build a life together.”

But that’s not what I said.  I said more or less…

“I care about you. But I deleted your number from my phone so I’d never do what you’re doing now.  You’re wondering if I’m the one that got away the same way I wondered if you were.  ‘Rhonda’….  I’m not the guy.  I’m just … I’m just not the guy.”

I held her hand for a minute. I cupped it…. took a deep breath… stood up… and walked out.

And now there is a bunch of booze staring at me.  Excuse me.
The Jaded Gamer.

BLOG: Jaded needs a girlfriend… But I’d take advantage of touching her boobs.

The Jaded Gamer Show almost got me in trouble.  I’ll spare you the tale why but it was an excellent execution of petty revenge and nothing more.  However… in the absolutely brilliantly crafted revenge, I had realized something.

Jaded needs a female counterpart.  This isn’t up for debate as I am the dude behind the character and that is the essential quality I am lacking to kickstart this shit into overdrive.  If you listen to Backlog Infinite there really is no sexual tension to be had between myself and Novah so when we interact you get straight talking heads without the “I want to bang you” innuendo. Which, are interactions more people need to highlight because it is normal to talk to a woman and not tell her you’d bang her if you could. Which is why, I never want Novah to leave the show. Her mind is amazing to me and her perspective is what I love when having discussions with her.

Jaded needs a woman near him, next to him, around him or in chat with him where the two of them absolutely adore each other but have a tendency to go in on each other whenever they disagree. . . It would make for great viewing.  When they are united (Jaded and ?????) nothing stands in their way… when they are divided #TeamJaded #TeamVita (That’s what I call her in my mind LoL) will start trending on social media.

Above all else, gamers lose their shit in one way or another when it comes to an attractive trash talkin’ female. She’d already be loved/hated on her own but with Jaded as a qualifier I bet she’s more apt to get love than an outpour of hate.  Then when she cuts Jaded to shreds over whatever… the whole vibe will be a lot different.   I love the ladies in gaming but it feels like every time one talks to us it’s a gorgeous energetic upbeat lady in a tank top with some punk graffiti doodle on it never addressing the elephant in the room.  Jaded’s chick would tell you to stop looking at her boobs. “Eyes up here, kid.” Jaded’s chick would remind you what behavior will not get you laid. etc. etc.  She’s not on a payroll so she doesn’t have to smile and read cue cards.

I want to bring *THAT* to Game Nation.  Unity.  Not a King off praising #GamerGate and the Queen trying to tear it down.  There needs to be a unified front represented somewhere.  Eventually, I hope that is where this Jaded Gamer venture will point me.

The worst situation would be if I (The real life Non-Jaded person) met a lady who was not co-host material but was wife material and then later meet Co-host material and have to spend a lot of time with Vita (Yeah, I like that name as a placeholder) so wife gets jealous, me and Vita hook up …. so I’m cutting divorce and alimony out of the equation and just getting to Vita right away. Having Vita would eliminate a lot of the issues I have with gaming right now.

  • I’d have a co-op partner on stand-by
  • I could fill in a group for Destiny or GTA V on the fly
  • She could fill a spot on a podcast
  • She could co-host a show with me.

By adding Vita to the mix, I can split workloads and just generally accomplish more than I could on my own.  If I could just sorta.. pass the baton to somebody while I go off and make money.. come back and the machine is still moving… that would be better than coming home exhausted and figuring out how to start this thing back up every day.

So yeah, as I work on that, stay tuned in because my body has adapted the way it gets sleep to my new work schedule and I am ready to get a lot of work done… even if it is by myself.

Kudos.
The Jaded Gamer AKA DJ Shuvinstuff

Rated J – The Podcast

I do a podcast now. Just me and a mic ranting.

Rated J: The Podcast

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It was a triple episode launch and considering THIS post is the first time I’m telling the outside world about it – it has gone pretty well and most people get the schtick so, I think it’s ready for prime time.

Listen. Downloads below.

1. Say Hello To The Bad Guy (Download)
Jaded reintroduces himself and explains why real friends still talk on the phone, his confusion over GaymerX and his love of a certain Generic shooter.

2. Another Quaalude, She gonna love me again (Download)
The Jaded Gamer talks about Susan B. Anthony, Joan of Arc and Malala…. among other things involving women.

3. My word and my balls. (Download)
Jaded discusses his aforementioned date as well takes questions from social media.

Jaded

Get Ready…

The weekend is almost upon us and that is when YMB will start morphing.  Want to see something?

n3j3ndcje

That is a page out of Last Life.  Last Life is the last Grand Theft Option/Game of Shame comic I’m going to make. Unlike the other comics in the series, this one is driven by the character and not just the shenanigans.

Psst.  Between you and me, once Backlog Infinite is back up and rolling (New episodes this weekend) Rated J will also be…. A PODCAST! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Shhhh.  Don’t tell anybody.  I’m really nervous and really shy. People like the group thing but I get quite a few questions every so often and Rated J… the YouTube series only gives me about 3 minutes on any given subject.  Rated J: The Podcast – will give me more time to go off on tangents. I’m aiming for 20-30 minutes.

YMB will have more more more of everything very soon. I had to figure out sleeping patterns for working these rotating shifts. Also, I had to learn a new position which still stresses me out but not nearly as much. I’m able to get back to writing jokes, more jokes, better than easy to write masturbation jokes in comics (Heh-heh).

And OH MY GOD, I can write a review for Dying Light.  That game is too damn long. You cap out around 30 hours and the game just… goes on. I burned myself out, so this weekend there will be marathons of content production…

DON’T BELIEVE ME? JUST WATCH!

The Jaded Gamer
Twitter: @IamFN2K
Email: IamFN2K@gmail.com

Almost back on my feet

I’ve been a little inconsistent over at YMB recently but that all comes to an end very soon.  Soon, there will be a great deal of coverage on some things.  Ideas are being tossed around.  Comics will begin to be standardized.  Soon, YMB is going to have to change the layout to something that can support more writers.  It is going to be interesting.

I’ve figured out what this page will be.  YMB is the job, this is the personal blog.  When I get the juiciest of juicy exclusives, they will show up here and YMB will report on them.  When I come up with the wildest and dumbest theories that YMB does not want to claim endorsement over, they will be here.

Trying to finish polishing some podcasts.  I’m working on a comic.  There will be more Rated J.  I’m even tossing around a non-gaming related video series to give YMB a little depth.  But that is Spring 2015.  YMB is going to be going 2.0 very soon.

I can’t confirm or deny anything but I can tell you this, I want to give away games… every month because why not?  I just need to figure out how to make that a reality.

The vision of YMB is to be a different type of news. You can find more current, up-to-date news anywhere.  We over at YMB need to try and think differently about the same topics other people constantly talk about because, why bother adding to the conversation otherwise?

So as I figure out what I’m doing with this page (because like it or not, you’re stuck with me for another 2 years now.) just know… it is most definitely supposed to be a “Jaded Gamer in Real Life” scenario.

Cheers.

@IamFN2K

Straight Rambo Part II

Previously on Straight Rambo:

Bert and Ernie grew a little irritated by me occupying their house as my stay there was lasting longer than usual.  Despite the golem I built them, I’d constantly have to spend nights waiting out the invading monsters.  In an effort of good faith, I added an attic and tiny living space to their house.

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Cozy stairway

 

The space in the attic
The space in the attic

I decided to take a little risk.  I packed up some tools, iron, dirt, seeds, carrots and potatoes and headed underground into the mines. I brought enough food to last me for the trip as well as empty buckets and two buckets of water to create an infinite water spawning well.

My goal was to create a self contained living space.  I started by building two rooms; one for wheat and the other for pumpkins, potatoes and carrots.

Underground Wheat Farm
Underground Wheat Farm
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Pumpkins on the left, Carrots up top, Potatoes down below

The next goal is to create an underground forest. Monsters though,

 

 

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