… It’s off to proofread we go….
Fuck being succinct with titles! I am a convoluted person. I have a convoluted plan. It gets a convoluted title.
Can we start over? I’ve been gone so long, it’s like I’m new at this. I think this is as real as I’m ever going to get.
Hi! I’m The Jaded Gamer! The luckiest moron in the Universe. I’ve mostly been known for the various podcasts that I’ve done and the shenanigans I get up to along the way. I’m only down for a ridiculously silly random fun time and that’s all. . . Oh… and maybe play some co-op games together? (IamFN2K on PSN and XBL btw) but that’s it.
Audio broadcasting has always been fun for me and I definitely want to keep doing it. So I’m going to… but if you’ll indulge me… I want to tell you how I got here. If you’re new to the world of Jaded Gamer, feel free to skip paragraphs at your leisure…. if you’re one of my Savages, you’re going to want to try to absorb most of this.
I’ve never criticized the work of my friends. Even if I thought their product was garbage and boring, I never promoted it like it was. I would still call in or make guest appearances or do whatever to support my friends efforts because when it comes to entertainment, I always believe you encourage your peers. Even if that peer is a chickenshit who sits in booths at a comedy clubs because they don’t want the talent to make fun of them. Even if that peer can only talk trash on the internet and will duck you IRL so they never have to say it to your face. Even if that peer would invite me to co-op, go invisible and laugh at me with all the people I wish I could game with. . . I always encouraged them. Because that’s what you’re supposed to do.
If you want to break a man… that’s how you do it. Everybody always wonders why people snap. Taking deep breaths, ignoring those actions, exhaling and encouraging them to succeed kept me as sane. Kept me from snapping. I’m quick tempered but I am really good at apologizing swiftly. I’m kind of a fuck up sometimes and I’ve done my fair share of apologizing.
But I reached a real low point. I thought I had friends on this here internet and even though it’s obvious key friends are putting distance between me and them… I can’t flinch. I’m seen as unflappable. Unshakable. When it was obvious they just weren’t talking to me. I cried. Ok. It was one specific person who broke me. I just wanted to ask that one specific person, teary eyed “What did I do to you?” They were my favorite person. I don’t genuinely like many people. If I could lose all my online allies to keep that one, I would make the trade. I was just so sad.
Kicked from every crew, ridiculed by people I thought were friends, ignored, shunned, my podcasts folding, I just felt like a fail. I wasn’t though. I just wasn’t looking at all the downloads my podcasts were getting because I… I don’t know.
Anyways… I decided to forget about internet life for a while and focus on my real life. I needed to be a better boyfriend for my girl. That was number one. Next I had to get back into gaming. And now… get back to doing what was fun…
Backlog Infinite is dead. Long live Backlog infinite. I think Wesker J is over podcasting. So, it’s safe to say that ship has sailed. I don’t hate that guy. He’s cool. He tolerated me and I appreciate his time.
Enter “Best. Game. Ev-er!” This is a similar idea. The approach will be much more scripted and possibly rehearsed. I’m going to use the first few episodes to get used to a format that works. This is the first time I’ve tried to do something that takes more effort than simply recording audio. Every episode aims to be an audio companion to play along side the game or a way to remember some of the biggest games without having to run through them again. I don’t know how long each episode will be or even if one game = one episode. This first game is sort of a test… and that game is…… drum roll! ….. Badadadadadada.. How do you indicate a drum roll in text? … anyways…. Tomb Raider 2013.. but it’s The Definitive Edition so the one from 2014. I’ll be releasing the first episode of Best Game Ever closer to Christmas or New Year’s Day. Yes I know that’s kinda far off… That’s why
Also a podcast. This one will be dropping sooner than later. I’m personally hoping to start pumping these out next week. But what is it? If you liked Rated J, stick around for that because THAT’S the place where I’ll be speaking my mind about … things… but at least for the initial episode there are people I need to thank and stories I need to tell.
The Cult of Subtlety is what I call my guilds whenever I’m allowed to create one in a game. Most of the time I lock the guild so it’s a cult of one. . Which makes it a very subtle cult, no other cult is as subtle as mine, therefore my cult is The Cult of Subtlety. And I’m opening the doors! So come listen to me do my best to hold your attention. Unlike Rated J, I will definitely talk about games every episode at some point. There will be monthly giveaways as soon as the listeners reach a decent amount. The prizes are also going to be legit. I wouldn’t gift you garbage I found at the Dollarama. That’s lame. I’m not going to lie to you. I’m lazy so I’m mostly going to gift stuff via Xbox Live and Humble Bundles because that’s so easy to do and really doesn’t involve you having to give me any sensitive information. (Let’s face it, I’m kind of a stranger to you) My listeners tend to be introverts as well so if you want anonymity AND prizes check out The Cult of Subtlety… coming soon!
Obviously these two shows are fine but I have domains to update. Thejadedgamer.ca will focus more on Playful Jaded Gamer related things as well as functioning as a personal blog. It will be another public link from me to you, not unlike the Facebook Pages.
Yourmommasbasement.com is Business Jaded. Although I don’t plan on “toning it down” for YMB I will make more of an attempt to not be so aggressively obnoxious around that site but I’m here to entertain. People know I’m just Forrest Gumping it through history… minus the AIDS baby… The point being that i’m a lovable idiot that’s kinda always around doing something accidentally significant.
Plus…. There just might be some synergy happening between me and another entity. I don’t want to spoil or get ahead of myself but when the ink dries… you’ll know.
Words cannot express the gratitude I owe some of you for following me this long. I see you. I probably know your name. You get VIP treatment in the Cult… GUILD!.. It’s a guild.
Back to work on what will be Best game ev-er.
This game released to mixed reviews. It’s not like this game is top tier amazing but I cannot say it is a bad game. The problem is… I played this game the wrong way for a while. However, after plugging about 10-20 hours into it, I think I can give some impressions. Apparently… 10-20 hours is more than enough time to get through the plot. Like I said, I’m playing this game the wrong way.
See… I heard a crazy rumor that it was a survival game… and it is… for single-player sadists. I thought… like in most survival games, I thought they would drop me into a world and I could just fool around with the “story” just being breadcrumbs to give me some sort of arc. I also thought the structures you place in the open world would stay put after I leave and they don’t.
TL:DR – Stick to the glowing circles on your map.
After I smartened up and tackled the tasks in front of me, I started to get the hang of things.
The time you spend going through menu/craft screens should be noted because if you ignore the tutorials for them you will spend a lot more time than needed trying to figure out what to do. The passing of time will make your hunger, thirst and even oxygen levels deplete rapidly…even in the menus.
The menus however are easy to navigate… sort of. A lot of the items blend together because of the font and you may spend precious seconds looking for some wolf steak.
The game itself has its flaws but once you start playing it the way it was designed, there is some rewarding gameplay here. It is however a tough grind. A grind I don’t have the energy for some days. Some days you’re up for tactically taking on a horde of zombies and other days you want to play Skyrim in VR… OK, most days *I* want to play SkyrimVR… or Monster Hunter World. Are you playing Monster Hunter World? I was… still kind of into it.
Metal Gear Survive is less fun than the games I mentioned above because of the risk and reward involved. MGS has too many scenarios where you will deviate from your path because you spot a shed for looting and it will be empty. Hunting trips yield low rewards if they take too long because you end up needing to eat your catch and then go hunt even more. However, if you can power through the opening few hours, once you acquire the pot at the campfire to bottle water, sustaining yourself becomes a lot easier.
Other than that… the game plays the way you would figure. You have a “Base of Operations” which you will have to expand and defend. You will do this gradually over time. At first you will just have a few work benches to use but quickly expand to farms and water storage in no time. Pretty soon, sustaining your health is not such a pain in the ass.
However, you will most likely have to adopt an offensive method of playing that compliments your defense. Some weapons, like machetes can’t be used on the other side of a chain link fence but spears and arrows can. At first, the player is restricted to only being able to hold two of each secondary item but can hold more as they progress.
Then there is.. “The Dust”
The dust is a giant fart cloud that covers way too much of the map and obscures your vision a lot. You will spend a lot of time in the Dust. You will not like the Dust. I am not your King. Fast travelling helps but unlocking a fast travel point requires a lot of work and a bit of planning every time… and then it will go to shit and you’ll have to improvise. Unlocking a fast travel point has the player power up a generator and defend it for a various amounts of time. Every single defense requires effort. Allowing the zombies to overpower you is very dangerous. You can however almost instantly build defense to put some distance between and even do damage to the oncoming horde. It can be fun but eventually feels like too much effort to unlock a fast travel point. Sweet loot, maybe. But a fast travel point seems a little much. Especially because the plot excuse for doing so is powering it up attracts the zombies en mass but when it is on, the area surrounding it is basically a safe zone with some common/uncommon respawning items.
All in all I actually want to play more of this game but most likely on the weekend when I can focus. This isn’t a game that lends itself to quick pick-up and play sessions. The combat can also be frustrating.
I’m sorry to report that this isn’t the Metal Gear game you’re looking for but it is a good use of the engine and an interesting spin in the franchise. Some have remarked this is a cash grab. Those people are assholes. This is the franchise with two Metal Gear Ac!d games in it. MGS at least is an action game.
Unless your curiosity is really peaked… you may want to skip this game for now.
Blake Roundhouse AKA The Jaded Gamer
PSN/Xbox Live: IamFN2K
I don’t know where to start so this might be a Tarantino movie by the time I’m done writing.
Yes. I took a step away from The Jaded Gamer for a long time. There are a few reasons for this.
Not any time soon but this is the trajectory of my life. I’m in a relationship that I’m FINALLY comfortable being in. I can say anything I want in front of my girlfriend and she doesn’t judge me. She listens and does her best to try to understand my point of view even if her gut instinct is to say I’m wrong or even lying. She doesn’t interfere with me trying to be the man I want to be. She doesn’t shy away from my intensity. I’ve always been better with a woman at my side (or cussing the fuck outta one, amirite fellas?!?!?!?!) <—— Inside joke. If you’re mad, you don’t get it or are even aware of how I jumped into the solo podcast game.
So I stepped away from everything “The Jaded Gamer” for a while… a long while… to foster this relationship BECAUSE:
I’ve talked to many people about “oversharing” on the internet. Look… it’s your profile… post what you want. My point is that I shouldn’t know how to rob your house or kidnap your kids based on your profiles. Somebody I know actually had their house robbed while they were on vacation because of oversharing. It breaks my heart.
Your social media should just be used to share… stuff… NOT act like a celebrity or a highly decorated individual. You’re not. I’m not. Most people are not. You’re just an average person with an opinion. Act like it. We’re all in the shit together. We’re all the ones eating shit sandwiches and we’re arguing with each other. It’s stupid. Time and time again I’m seeing walls of texts from passionate people who haven’t gotten very far in life. Come on! Make your life better before you even decide to take a stab at fixing society. I’ve been called a ton of names by people that can’t spell (Dooshbage). Watching people on all sides call for violence and then say “But they started it” when they get punched in the face. We are dumber now than ever before and we have the audacity to tell intellectuals that we know better because we “feel” the truth.
That was basically my existence on the internet before my hiatus. Arguing with the marginalized because they “felt” like things were getting worse. Then more insults came. Black culture pushed me because I had concerns about BLM. Then I said… “Fuck it! Go on with your fight. Good luck.” And I stepped aside. Then pronouns came up and before I could comprehend what the issue was, the government told me what to say and think on the matter. NOPE! Suddenly I’m transphobic. No. You idiot. My issue is with compelled speech… forced speech… upheld by law. It could be anybody or anything, black, white, gay, straight, short, tall, ugly, pretty, fat, skinny YADDA YADDA YADDA… I have dominion over my words. You can step in with censorship. That has been established. Telling me what I MUST say is not censorship and the only reason why anybody is co-signing on this is because
a) Their government is in charge
b) This benefits them
c) They virtue signal.
d) They believe forcing people to change wont breed maximum resentment.
I do not subscribe to any of that. So as long as the Vicious Left or the Alt-Right want to breed contempt, I am more than up to the challenge to bite back. If you want to sit down and have an open and honest discussion… I’m always up for that. But if the only way you can get what you want is by force and legislation…. I may oppose you. I don’t care how many tantrums you throw. I dunno how else to explain it. If I had to hire somebody and the most qualified person was transgendered.. they get the job. If I meet a feminine person but in a plot twist I find out they were previously male.. OH double plot twist.. already been there and like many relationships, we just weren’t compatible.
Been called Homophobic…. HAHAHAHAHHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHH *Inhales* AHAHAHAHAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*inhales*HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*inhales*HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I think all y’all are heterophobic. You think I can’t hear the jokes gay and trans people make about people who aren’t gay and trans? I’m going to say this now because I’m not using it as proof I’m not trans/homophobic. I have gay and trans friends. They make jokes at my expense. If it weren’t for straight people having sex there’d be less gay and trans people around so back up off of me when I make a joke that stings. It’s supposed to. A large amount of jokes are at somebody or something else’s expense. I make jokes. I make jokes about myself. I make jokes about you. I make jokes about EVERYTHING! Here’s the thing… I don’t think there is a line BUT I have apologized in the past for crossing whatever imaginary line YOU think is there. I don’t care if I hurt your feelings but I’m not TRYING to and I’m not throwing a party if I do. It is never my goal.
But if you think there is nothing funny about you or your situation… you’re crazy or lack perspective. I lost my job, my girlfriend and the roof over my head within a week and I laughed my fuckin ass off. “My life is a GOD DAMN GREEK TRAGEDY!” and I laughed.
Speaking of jokes…
I culled a bunch of my friends lists a while ago. If you were cut. Leave me alone. I’d love to tell you it wasn’t personal but it was. On the lowest level… you give me anxiety… on the highest level I think you’re a piece of shit hypocrite that can go fuck themself.
My friends in real life get me, know me…. My online friends tolerate me when I’m on fire and ignore me when I let the light on my star power dim. Or…. is it when their own star power gets brighter? I can never tell. Regardless, there is a point where all of a sudden (in their minds) I’m not making jokes, I’m making statements. All of a sudden I was being malicious when I had the exact same tone and timing as I always have.
If I can’t bust your chops… We cannot be friends.
What I said above is not a universal thing. If you are still on my friends list or I’m following you… whatever.. we’re fine. It’s the sacks of baby dicks that will talk shit in their safe spaces but when I say the same “jokes” they make about me behind my back but to THEIR FACE that apparently makes ME the asshole. So I should be shady bag of puss-puss saying jokes in an echo chamber while my other vacuum sealed friends or co-hosts suck me off?!
I’m sorry for all the vulgarity and swearing… but I hate…. I hate… I… HATE.. PETER PAN…I mean people who can’t take a joke. It is compounded by the fact that I tend to hang around shit talkers. However, when one of them can dish it out but not take it…. USUALLY… I go SCORCHED EARTH. So the fact that I’ve went silent on these XXXL size bag-o-dicks is a blessing and the last favor I will grant.
I’m still here. But it is just me.
No more groups. No more guest spots. No more shout outs for the sake of shout outs. I shout you out and not feel it back. Game over. I’m as loyal as a puppy and will go to bat for my friends any way I can. I’m not a machine. I feel guilt and remorse. I had a friend who was raising money for a relative’s medical bills and I couldn’t contribute because I was having serious financial trouble at the time. There was nothing I could do but it still bugs me like I didn’t do enough.
But I’m goin’ solo from here on out. I don’t trust anybody but me in this.
That’s not entirely accurate.
I’m starting over. Just me. No frills. Just me.
I hope some of you are willing to leave your ego next to mine at the door to laugh and grow fat with me. If you put on some rainbow spectacles and look slightly to the left with me… you may find that the world is actually a really…. really funny place.
See you real soon.
Robbie Snotrocket A.K.A The Jaded Gamer, you bitch.
ALWAYS DOWN FOR CO-OP!
PS. Upon reflection… I am aware of regular people weaponizing “jokes” and using “humor” to tear down people, cultures, religion etc… I am pretty sure those people aren’t naturally funny. They can’t be called comics or comedians. They thrive off of hate. All their jokes are about HATE. That’s very “one-note samba” meaning they are hacks. You can ignore them or feed the trolls. It’s always been your choice.
I realize I have some explaining to do. I’ll be at your door with the wine and roses later… Right now I’m calling for a DO OVER! FROM THE TOP, PEOPLE!
I was super depressed in 2017. I couldn’t really figure out why until the end of the year. Behind the scenes, in real life, I am doing okay. I’ve more or less been doing fine the past two years.
But the lack of my online presence is due to me not connecting with many people outside of real life interactions. I have a much different attitude towards life than most people. My philosophy is always “Laugh and grow fat.” Nobody wants to laugh anymore.
Led Zeppelin – DOES ANYBODY REMEMBER LAUGHTER?!?!
It seems like strangers laugh at something I say more often than my friends, if anybody laughs at all that is.
So.. I started the great DELETION!… (I hoped somebody read that like Matt Hardy)
One by one… I started clearing out social media Friends Lists. It took months for it to actually play out. So SPOILER ALERT if you’re still on any list I have, you’re safe. Otherwise, good fuckin’ riddance.
Apologizing individually would take too much time so I’ve decided to just do a mass apology and one can just pick and choose the apology they feel they are owed and we can move on.
Drifters: To the people who were once kinda close but just drifted away, I really wish I knew what I did exactly that turned you off. I don’t know why I have to pester you to collab on podcast or co-op in a game only to be ignored. I’m really just sorry that I spent all that time trying to get to know you, pouring my heart out to you, even meeting you only to be ignored seemingly out of nowhere. I’m even more sorry for whatever random stupid thing I did that pushed you away.
Liberals: You’re telling me to keep an open mind while telling me what to think. You’re celebrating phrases like “Peace shall overcome” while setting fire to campuses and celebrating punching people in the face. I don’t want to be a part of that or be made a villain because I don’t want to accept violence as part of my life. I know that beliefs can change and minds can be persuaded without this sort of flair for casual violence that supports “our cause”
Conservatives: It’s weird because most of my Conservative friends are pretty cool. That being said, I’ve pissed a few off by my Pro-choice, LGBTQ rights and various other left leaning topics like weed and censorship. WHO KNEW it was enough for them to just block me. After years! This was the boiling point. I don’t even know what to apologize for really. You and your guns are fine, keep your Religion because I’m not trying to take it away from you any more than I want it imposed on me. I feel as if on every angle on any issue, I’ve been more than fair. However, during the Obama years I saw a different side of you that the current Trump administration is confirming. So… to that small chunk of people… I’m sorry that you are on the wrong side of tolerance on this.
LGBTQ: You’re not immune from jokes. I just want to make sure you know you can totally make jokes at my expense. Gay comedians do it all the time. I’m sorry if your homosexually reduces your sense of humor but I have to go with my gut that you are a minority of a minority and that most people in that community can take a joke as well as make them… and here’s another thing… ignore them. I’m not running a country over here.
The Black Community: This one is fun. I inherited the apparent burden of being one yet for some fluke I managed to claw myself to a better way of life. I’ve always considered myself to be lucky. But really… I’m not all that lucky. All I did was put in enough work needed to hit that extra step. I’m not a doctor or anything too significant but I took myself out of a very bad neighborhood and into a much safer one to give myself and the next generation of me a chance. I did it. I got out. Then what happened? “You forgot where you came from.” That is the point. Where I came from still hasn’t gotten any better and I can’t make a sizable impact from where I am at yet. Going back would only endanger me. That’s reasonable. Next. “You’re light skin so you don’t get it.” That’s how good we have it now. We can start oppressing each other. By the way, since my skin tone is an issue within the community, my family is half white so… what’s the deal with this intolerance towards white people. You can’t just look for my support when you need the numbers. I’m sorry we cannot see eye to eye on these things. I promise you though, I’m going to try to unite every community, I’m just sorry that I’m not black enough for you… whatever that means.
The White Community: See Conservative Apology Above
Gamers: You might just give me anxiety. You might have just been idle. I dunno. There are those that are on borrowed time… Muhaaaahahhahahahah. No, but seriously.
Feminists: This revolves around jokes. So… like… the only way you survived the Friends List Reaping is because even if you hate the fact that I’ll make jokes.. you know I’m not trying to hurt anybody’s feelings and I’ll back up if I go too far.. yadda yadda yadda. I never WANT to offend you yet I’m being treated like I do. So… This is where I bid you a fond farewell and I hope one day you’ll take a joke. In this day and age where there is a lot of frustration and angst because of the exposure on all these assaults, I don’t want to be interacting with such volatile people. I’m always willing to support a woman if our ideas on things align. I’m sorry I have said things you have felt were out of line but neither you or I need any more stress in the fight against whatever machines we’re raging against.
I think this covers it.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKAY.. Who remembers gaming online in the late 90s and early 2000s? You didn’t just have friends, you had a tiny community. There was very little social/political friction. Nobody really cared, everybody just wanted to play video games together. Though the idea of that already exists and is nothing new, most communities eventually come down to “attitude” or “identity”.
I want to rally and be a part of a community that isn’t too concerned with identity and more concerned with the attitude of “I just wanna play some games.” A place where games take the primary focus and people can gather together and have fun without all the static. Even if you encounter online assholes, it would help if you had a few friends to back you up or just leave together and find another place to play as a group with your dignity intact. If more of us band together and refuse to engage in any of this hatred then maybe the perception of Gamers can change.
So feel free to join the Your Momma’s Basement community on Playstation 4 (Xbox One focus to follow possibly) and sooner or later with enough people intermingling, I as well as others will make a few new friends and we will find games to play together. I am purely Co-op. I’ll start posting up in Community Chat whenever I’m playing online. The Division and Wildlands could be my focus for a bit.
All in all… it has been a fun ride but I really just gotta be free to be me from here on out. I hope I don’t offend people, though it is inevitable that I will, I also don’t believe every offense merit’s an apology. I will always apologize if I feel necessary but I refuse to apologize for something like a joke without malice.
Good Night and Good Luck
Depending on who you ask, Justin Bieber is either a mischievous heartthrob singer or a vile douchebag no matter what he does. His voice can pump you up, soothe your soul or reacquaint you with the lunch you had earlier. Hello, ham sandwich. But I digress…
Bieber has done a lot recently to clean up his image. He yearns to go back to the days of innocence and wholesomeness. However, the move has done absolutely nothing to dissuade his haters. He gathered the media in the lobby of his 10.8 Million dollar Los Angeles Mansion to speak on this recently;
“It really stinks, yanno. I did my hardest to clean up my image, you know what I’m sayin, I’m reborn. Know what I’m sayin’? Big ups to J-Star who died for our sins. I ask myself every day ‘What Would J-Unit Do?’ and he told me to do what he did and stand up to evil. I remember when he fought Satan and prevailed…(cont’d)”
*Editor’s note: The fight Justin is referring to was the 10th episode Damien from the critically acclaimed Comedy Central series South Park which aired February 4th, 1998 when Justin was three years old.
“…What is the greatest evil I could fight? Nazis. Who was the greatest Nazi of all time? A-Bomb Adolf, H-Bomb Hitler and I’m going to personally give him a ticket upstairs to meet J-Dawg in the sky. Bieber out.”
Nobody wanted to believe the Biebs. Everybody thought this was a massive troll. However, last night, Justin Bieber literally did the impossible. He fought Adolf Hitler in front of the Aryan Brotherhood and Every White Nationalists in the world via pay per view.
Victory would not come easy for Bieber, however. Hitler, being a strict vegetarian, had no trouble modifying his diet to shed a few pounds to drop from 160 lbs to a leaner 155. Bieber on the other hand actually did weigh 150lbs soaking wet and had to intensify his Tim Horton’s diet to bulk up from 145 lbs.
Early on, The Furher of the 3rd Reich landed several jabs and overhand rights that left Justin Bieber badly bruised. Justin returned some punches of his own but they did not have the desired effect on ol’ H-Bomb. Midway through the 2nd round Bieber switched strategy and tried to slow Herr Hitler down with quick jabs to the body.
Hitler began to slow down and Justin, as expected, got cocky enough to let Angry Adolf steal a round unanimously. However, Justin’s friendship with Floyd Mayweather must’ve taught him some composure because the fight began to tip largely in Bieber’s favor. He began to pile Hitler with uppercuts.
Everybody watched in awe as all the gas drained out of Hitler’s tank. He was very aggressive in the opening rounds of the fight but after the turning point he was consistently being pushed back by Justin’s own Blitzkrieg offensive. In a last ditch effort, Hitler let loose a furher of punches.
Justin simply Michael-Jackson-Chimon!-Moonwalked all around them. It was as if Bieber had finally powered up his special ability and he was now invincible. With Hitler winded, it was only a matter of time before Bieber put him down for the count.
Bieber was elated. The crowd was stunned. Surely nobody wanted Hitler to win but did everybody want Bieber to somehow lose? Slowly the eerie silence turned into a thunderous applause as Justin celebrated his victory. Hitler needed help standing back up. Unreal.
–The Jaded Gamer, signing out!
OK, so I’ve begun to roll out the first of my creative vomits…
If you haven’t read it, check it out. But first, let’s discuss the topic. “My favorite cell.”
Page 5. “Well, that escalated quickly.” Born purely out of necessity.
I had very little resources to transition into a full blown alien invasion. I feel this nails it and moves the scene past what just happened so fast that the reader just says.. “Seems legit.” and keeps going.
See the problem with doing these silly things is not only assembling screenshots and writing the corresponding dialogue, but giving context to every scene. Then while giving context to every scene I have to move the story forward at a certain pace while making Kim likable. She’s the hero. I don’t intend on having her giggle and twirl her hair through these stupid adventures.
I came to the conclusion that there are a number of reality stars who could easily be “Batman” and that “bat” didn’t necessarily have to be a “man”. Then I immediately made the decision that the reality star shouldn’t be the butt of “the joke” She’ll bare the brunt some jokes, for sure but the cosmic joke is not on her. She is the hero.
So whether or not there is an issue two or I get slapped with a cease and desist – to be continued…
My next bit of SnapCap Comic business is tentatively titled “Fallout: Degrees.” A title that made more sense when I first thought of it. It was supposed to be from two different perspectives as the characters interacted with each other “butterfly effect” style between the environments of Fallout 3 and New Vegas. Making that work is actually beyond any effort I’m willing to put into that project. It would take too much time. However, the new Vault-tec workshop for Fallout 4 solves a problem I was facing and I can continue the tale… or at least half of it. Here’s the cover:
The vault is key. But the snag… I ran out of materials when building the “set” so this one might have to go back into the oven because I have other things I need to focus on.
Fallout Degrees is much more serious in tone and I worry about that because comedy is much easier to worth with when using screenshots as a medium.
Anyways, that’s been my time.
I need to do more with TheJadedGamer.ca …Maybe a blog to give you some insight on what makes me tick?
I feel awful.
So…. you probably know me from Rated J…. Or maybe you know me from YouTube? Doubtful. Rated J is probably where I’m drawing the focus from… right?
Rated J is tough. I spent a year finding my footing and had a few missteps along the way… I expected that. I don’t exactly know what I’m doing with Rated J… I just go with the flow. Now…. I have a better idea of what I’m doing. Rated J is more or less theater for your mind.
I don’t know where to begin. I don’t know where any of this begins. Does it begin last weekend when I realized life can be even better than it already is? Does it start when I made a promise to myself that I would never be wrapped around another woman’s finger, helpless, again? Does it begin with a rocky break-up? Does it begin with a mother that raised me to be her idea of a gentleman? I don’t even know… What I do know is… I don’t feel good.
The Jaded Gamer…. Since 2008-ish I’ve just been some schmuck running his mouth about video games. Then in 2015 I took whatever listeners I had and I started talking about myself and things other than video games. It wasn’t supposed to be me alone. I completely Zuckerberg-ed (Right-Click, Save As) the whole idea. I knew a podcast talking about myself… outside the realm of video games…. could have legs. Most of the questions or comments I get as “The Jaded Gamer” are actually quite personal.
I knew Rated J could work. My life is anything but boring. I’ve beat around the bush enough. I had a bad morning. OK…. Not bad…. I am sad. The events of this morning made me feel sad.
Listeners of Rated J know I talked about a woman named “Rhonda” … Not her real name…
(Aside: I change real names regularly so I can talk about my life and keep real people anonymous.) and how things didn’t work out between us. I ended the story by explaining how I squashed beef between myself and another interested man by confronting him and telling him how to get on her good side.
Long story short… I let Rhonda go. She doesn’t make me feel how I want to feel. She doesn’t make me feel like I can move mountains. . . and I CAN move mountains, friend. I never… felt like she was pleased. But at the same time, I never felt like I could do anything to please her and I feel like I’m capable of amazing things. I let her go. I even set it up to get her out of my life.
Today… she came back…. she said everything I needed to hear… a month ago.
She did everything she needed to do … a month ago.
I am quite different than I was a month ago.
We met at a coffee shop.
“You look good.” she said sliding into the booth.
“You always do.” I said with a half smirk barely making eye contact.
“Thanks.” she took a sip of her medium double-double shying away. “How was your trip?”
I bristle. “I…” I’m not The Jaded Gamer all the time, guys. “It was good. I had fun.”
“Cool.” She said reading between lines that weren’t there. I could tell. “So…” she started.
“I…” I inadvertently interrupted. “Sorry. You go.”
“I hate the way things ended between us.” She tried to catch my eyes. I wouldn’t let her. I kept looking down at my coffee…. like a wimp.
“You shouldn’t. You were right. You deserve more. I get that now.” (I really…. really do.) “I can’t blame you for walking away. It’s OK.”
I was hoping this was just a small conversation. I was hoping that at this point all she wanted to do was make sure I didn’t hate her. I don’t hate her at all. I am really just over her. She can do better. I … can do better. But she had a different revelation than I did. Let me fast forward in the conversation.
“He’s (Brendan/Branden) never going to change. Every time I see him, he always smells fresh. You know? Everything is always simple to him. His life is so simple. It is boring. You’re anything but boring.”
“So?” I scrunched my face. “I thought stability…”
“You smell like sweat…” (Don’t you dare…) “Your hands are dirty from working hard.” (Stop it…) “You don’t just expect life to reward you…” (Just… stop…. Rhonda)
I’m chopping and screwing the conversation because these are memory fragments but her point is pretty much…. “Maybe the pretty-boy who has it all figured out, really doesn’t and I never gave you a fair chance because you never knew I was all in.”
Where did she get the idea that she could even think I was still interested in her?
Rated J…. “Maybe I liked a Rhonda.” Five words. Out of the hundreds… thousands I’ve said during and since that episode…. all she heard was… “Maybe I liked a Rhonda.” That was all she needed. She ignored the part where I said … “But it was worth it…”
AND IT WAS…. IT CONTINUES TO BE…
Rhonda is not my Queen. (Don’t conflate the terms “My Queen” & “Interim Queen” from Rated J. I know it is confusing but English only has so many words) Today… I had to sit down and tell her why.
“You don’t make me feel like a king. At all. Ever. As much as I wanted you… you never wanted me. There was always a bigger better deal for you out there. There still is. You knew that if I didn’t work out there was a Brendan/Brandon or a Markus or a Skylar or a Silas or a Brett.”
Why does standing up for myself… feel terrible? She’s only here now because… I did let her go. SHE lets people go. SHE… breaks up with guys. SHE broke it off with me and not only did I let it end, I helped the guy she actually likes, make good with her. AM I A FICTIONAL MOTHER FUCKER WITH A HEART OF GOLD OR WHAT?
I wanted that to be it. Not at first. But in the coming weeks… months…. my outlook on life would shift. There is a better life out there for me with the treatment I not only want but feel I deserve from a partner/companion/lover etc. Things I just did not get from her.
I broke her heart. She cried a little. I avoided eye contact like a chickenshit because my instinct is to give in and wrap my arms around her. I wanted to make her feel good. I wanted to say to her that “I’m going to take this pain away and be there for you so you’ll never feel it again. You’ll be my everything from this day forward and we’ll build a life together.”
But that’s not what I said. I said more or less…
“I care about you. But I deleted your number from my phone so I’d never do what you’re doing now. You’re wondering if I’m the one that got away the same way I wondered if you were. ‘Rhonda’…. I’m not the guy. I’m just … I’m just not the guy.”
I held her hand for a minute. I cupped it…. took a deep breath… stood up… and walked out.
And now there is a bunch of booze staring at me. Excuse me.
The Jaded Gamer.
The Jaded Gamer Show almost got me in trouble. I’ll spare you the tale why but it was an excellent execution of petty revenge and nothing more. However… in the absolutely brilliantly crafted revenge, I had realized something.
Jaded needs a female counterpart. This isn’t up for debate as I am the dude behind the character and that is the essential quality I am lacking to kickstart this shit into overdrive. If you listen to Backlog Infinite there really is no sexual tension to be had between myself and Novah so when we interact you get straight talking heads without the “I want to bang you” innuendo. Which, are interactions more people need to highlight because it is normal to talk to a woman and not tell her you’d bang her if you could. Which is why, I never want Novah to leave the show. Her mind is amazing to me and her perspective is what I love when having discussions with her.
Jaded needs a woman near him, next to him, around him or in chat with him where the two of them absolutely adore each other but have a tendency to go in on each other whenever they disagree. . . It would make for great viewing. When they are united (Jaded and ?????) nothing stands in their way… when they are divided #TeamJaded #TeamVita (That’s what I call her in my mind LoL) will start trending on social media.
Above all else, gamers lose their shit in one way or another when it comes to an attractive trash talkin’ female. She’d already be loved/hated on her own but with Jaded as a qualifier I bet she’s more apt to get love than an outpour of hate. Then when she cuts Jaded to shreds over whatever… the whole vibe will be a lot different. I love the ladies in gaming but it feels like every time one talks to us it’s a gorgeous energetic upbeat lady in a tank top with some punk graffiti doodle on it never addressing the elephant in the room. Jaded’s chick would tell you to stop looking at her boobs. “Eyes up here, kid.” Jaded’s chick would remind you what behavior will not get you laid. etc. etc. She’s not on a payroll so she doesn’t have to smile and read cue cards.
I want to bring *THAT* to Game Nation. Unity. Not a King off praising #GamerGate and the Queen trying to tear it down. There needs to be a unified front represented somewhere. Eventually, I hope that is where this Jaded Gamer venture will point me.
The worst situation would be if I (The real life Non-Jaded person) met a lady who was not co-host material but was wife material and then later meet Co-host material and have to spend a lot of time with Vita (Yeah, I like that name as a placeholder) so wife gets jealous, me and Vita hook up …. so I’m cutting divorce and alimony out of the equation and just getting to Vita right away. Having Vita would eliminate a lot of the issues I have with gaming right now.
By adding Vita to the mix, I can split workloads and just generally accomplish more than I could on my own. If I could just sorta.. pass the baton to somebody while I go off and make money.. come back and the machine is still moving… that would be better than coming home exhausted and figuring out how to start this thing back up every day.
So yeah, as I work on that, stay tuned in because my body has adapted the way it gets sleep to my new work schedule and I am ready to get a lot of work done… even if it is by myself.
The Jaded Gamer AKA DJ Shuvinstuff